But how do we actually rewrite the stories we’ve carried for so long — and is real change possible once we reach adulthood?
The answer comes from neuroscience and the brain’s remarkable ability to rewire itself.

Many people hear the idea of a growth mindset and assume it’s just positive thinking. But science shows us something far more grounded: our brains are built to change.

The Brain Is Plastic (Not Fixed)

The brain is an incredible organ. It has the ability to form new neural connections, strengthen existing ones and prune those that are no longer used — allowing it to adapt (much like nature) and learn new skills.

For a long time, it was believed that this plasticity only existed in early childhood. We now know this isn’t true. Research shows that the brain continues to change throughout the lifespan. In other words, it is never too late.

Learning, memory, movement and emotion are all made possible by neural pathways — networks of interconnected neurones that create communication channels between different areas of the brain and body. These pathways are shaped by experience. They are not fixed at birth.

This matters deeply in adulthood, because it means our brains are not frozen versions of our childhood selves. Change is possible — but it takes repetition and patience.

How School Experiences Shape Brain Pathways

At school, one of my biggest fears was tests, assessments and exams. Just hearing those words caused my brain to shut down. I now understand that this was my brain’s threat response.

When we perceive danger, information is sent to the amygdala. This signals the hypothalamus — the brain’s command centre — which releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. The body prepares to fight, flee or freeze.

For me, this meant shutting down – freeze.

I would eventually sit the test, then feel overwhelming shame when the results came back — especially in maths. At the time, teachers weren’t aware of dyscalculia. I wasn’t given the tools I needed, only the message that I was failing.

Shame produces a similar stress response in the brain. The familiar inner voice returned: I can’t do this.
Pressure followed — to do better, to keep up, to compare myself to others.
Why can he do it and I can’t?

These experiences shape more than academic outcomes. They shape confidence, self-belief and how we respond to difficulty. Those internal messages don’t disappear when we leave school — they follow us into adulthood.

Even now, when faced with tests or assessments, I notice avoidance creeping in. If someone asks me to check their calculations, my instinct is still to step away. The situation has changed, but the pathway remains.

Repeated experiences wire repeated responses.

Negative Pathways Are Learned — Not Permanent

Negative self-talk can become automatic — a habit we feel unable to control. Thoughts like I’m not good at this appear instantly because the brain follows familiar routes, even when they’re unhelpful.

But these thoughts are not the truth.

You didn’t choose them. Your brain learned them as a form of protection. At one point, avoidance made sense.

The important part is this: learned pathways are not permanent.

Your Brain Is Not Fixed — How School Shapes Our Thinking

Many of the patterns we carry into adulthood did not begin with us.
They were learned through repetition, pressure, comparison and survival.

If learning felt stressful, rushed or unsafe, your brain adapted in the only way it knew how. It protected you. It created shortcuts, avoidance, and familiar stories that helped you get through school — even if those stories now feel limiting.

This is why struggle can feel so immediate and so physical.
Why certain words, situations or expectations still trigger a response before you have time to think.

But understanding this changes something important.

It allows us to stop blaming ourselves for the way we respond. It invites curiosity instead of criticism. And it opens up a new question — not what is wrong with me? but what did my brain learn, and why?

In the next part, we’ll explore what neuroscience now tells us about the brain’s ability to change — and how, even in adulthood, those well-worn pathways can slowly be reshaped.

Not through force.
But through safety, repetition and kindness.

If this resonates, you’re welcome to share it or sit with it.